


A Hundred Ways to Say Goodbye

by kaikoko



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Goodbyes, One Shot, Post-High School, This was written at 3 am, kind of an open ending but also not really, not really a sad ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25567198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaikoko/pseuds/kaikoko
Summary: “Hey Mark,” Hyuck asks from the door like the universe giving him one more chance to do the right thing. “What were you going to tell me?”“It’s nothing.”(or Mark is going back to Canada, and can’t figure out how to tell Donghyuck before he leaves.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	A Hundred Ways to Say Goodbye

Mark likes to think he has his whole life planned out. Go to high school, graduate, go back to Canada for college, get a good job, happily ever after. And life was going exactly how he had planned, except for one thing.

It’s his dream to go back to Canada and go to his dream school, but he never expected that something would make him want to stay. During his Junior year of high school, he had met Donghyuck, who had shaken up everything he thought he wanted. 

While when he first met Donghyuck, he wasn’t his  _ favorite  _ person, he grew on him pretty fast. To the point that they were best friends. Soon Mark found that the way his heart sped up or how he thought that he wouldn’t mind kissing him wasn’t really platonic feelings. One thing led to another, and after both of them being unnecessary oblivious and difficult, they got together. 

To be honest, Mark is happier with him than he’s ever been in his entire life. Only he hasn’t told him about his plan to leave and go back to Canada for college. As much as he doesn’t want to leave, it's his  _ dream  _ and he doesn’t know if he can give it up. 

When he had applied earlier in the year, even though he knew this is the decision he wanted to make, hitting the submit button was a little hard. It was even harder when the decision had come out, and he had gotten a new email in his inbox. It was the hardest when he had gotten accepted, both the best and worst news he’s ever received. It meant that he had to tell everyone, that he had to leave everything behind. 

And he tries to tell him, really, he does, but the thought that ‘I have three months left… two months left… one month left,” make that difficult. He doesn’t want their last time together to be counting down the months, the days, until he has to leave. Until the uncertainty of the future clouds their mind, and they can’t just enjoy being with each other anymore. Where every moment together feels too short, feels too fleeting.

Unfortunately, time goes by too fast and before he knows it, he only has one week left. Looking back, he figures maybe he should’ve told him a little earlier. It felt unfair to tell him this late, to tell him that he only had  _ one week,  _ only seven days before he would pack up and go to college in another country. So he finally builds up the courage, texting Donghyuck to tell him that they needed to talk. 

Donghyuck meets him at Mark’s place like usual, not even knocking as he walks in and makes his way to Mark’s room. The second he enters his room, Mark can tell somethings different, that somethings  _ wrong, _ but he decides to let it go, to focus on the speech he prepared while Hyuck was on his way over. 

“I- I’m,” Mark starts, but doesn’t finish, still trying to find the right words to say. He had practiced before he had gotten here, but now that he was here in front of him, all the words have flown out of his brain. 

“Can I go first?” Donghyuck asks, and Mark can tell his voice is all wrong, that what he’s going to say isn’t something he’s going to want to hear. 

“I think we should break up,” Donghyuck says, making any thought Mark once had go straight down the drain. He would’ve never thought Donghyuck would say those words, especially not right now. He didn’t have time, he didn’t have the time to get him back. 

“I don’t- I don’t understand,” Mark says quietly, his brain wracking over the words  _ break up _ . He wanted,  _ needed,  _ to tell Donghyuck he was leaving, that he had gotten accepted to his  _ dream school  _ in Canada, but had to leave everything behind. How was he supposed to tell him now? It’s like the building collapsing around him and all he can do is watch. 

“It’s just, I feel like we need a break. Whenever I look at you I can tell there’s something on your mind. You’ve just been so distracted lately and it just doesn’t feel the same. I think we could use some time.” Donghyuck says, his hands fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. 

Now would be the perfect opportunity to tell him why, to say ‘ _ its because I’m leaving and I can’t figure out how to tell you’.  _ But he can’t, he can’t say the words because then he would actually need to deal with them. It would all become too real. Maybe if he just kept him in the dark, for a little while longer, it wouldn’t hurt. He would tell him before he left, he still had a week. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark says sadly, for what he’s done and what he’s about to do. Because no matter how much he tells himself he will, he knows he won’t be able to tell Donghyuck he’s going to leave. It will only make the younger tell him not to go, that they don’t need to break up, that they shouldn’t waste this time on something they can fix in the future. It just sucks because he’s asking for the one thing they don't have;  _ time.  _

“Just figure it out, okay?” Donghyuck says, standing up from where he was sitting as a way to signify he was leaving. And he  _ should  _ stop him, he should tell him everything before he misses this chance and never finds one again, but he doesn’t. He feels so guilty for letting him walk away.

“Hey Mark,” Hyuck asks from the door like the universe giving him one more chance to do the right thing. “What were you going to tell me?” 

“It’s nothing.”

  
  


____

If it was difficult to tell Donghyuck when they were together, he thinks it’s pretty much impossible to tell him now that they’ve broken up. While Mark would’ve taken it hard, either way, he’s taking it even harder since the days are counting down and he can’t spend them with the person that he’s going to miss the most. 

At this point, he’s already told his best friend, Jeno about him leaving. And while he’s sad that Mark’s going, he understands that it’s just what he has to do. Not that Donghyuck wouldn’t understand, it’s just different. 

It’s a lame excuse if he’s being honest, and Jeno thinks so too when he tells him why he hasn’t told Donghyuck yet. 

(“You haven’t told him yet?” Jeno asks incredulously after Mark tells him. 

“I just haven’t found the right time to bring it up yet,” Mark says, scratching his head, hoping Jeno will believe him. 

“The right time? There is no right time,” Jeno tells him. “No matter when you tell him it’s going to suck.” 

“But he broke up with me Jeno. I didn’t want to lose him by leaving, but I did anyway, even  _ before  _ I left. Do you know how much that sucks? I can’t tell him now, this is all my fault. I’ve done enough.” Mark responds, realizing that Jenos right. No matter what he does it’s going to suck. 

“So what? You’re just going to leave without telling him? No goodbye? No closure? How do you think he’s going to feel when he finds out his boyfriend up and left to another  _ country  _ and won’t be back for a few years?” Jeno runs his hands through his hair, wondering how stupid his best friend could be. 

“Ex boyfriend,” Mark corrects. 

“Is that really all you got out of that?” Jeno sighs. 

Mark shrugs, out of words. 

“Just promise me,  _ promise me  _ you’ll tell him,” Jeno pleas, grabbing Mark by the shoulders for good measure. 

“Yeah, sure,” Mark sighs. He really hates lying. 

“I promise.”) 

____

Before he realizes it, he finds himself walking down the empty train platform, ticket in one hand, and suitcase in the other. It’s a lonely walk to where his train is, and he can’t help but think it would be a lot better if someone else was here by his side. But it’s his own fault things are like this, so he can’t really complain. 

Jeno couldn’t be here to see him off since he had final to take, which he didn’t really mind. They had hung out the day before, they had already said their farewells. Jeno had brought up Donghyuck, asking if he had told him yet. Much to his disappointment, he hadn’t told him yet, to which Jeno had said ‘ _ if you won’t tell him, I will _ .’ 

He arrives a little bit early, sitting down by a nearby bench, before taking out his phone, and hovering over the call button to one of his contacts in his phone. Even now, sitting at the station bench, he doesn’t think he could tell him, no matter how much he knows he should. So he takes the easy way out, typing out a text message instead. 

_ 12:38  _

I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person.

I’m sorry I’m telling you this now, something I should’ve said months ago. 

I got accepted into my dream school and I’m leaving to Canada. 

I’m sorry I never gave the chance to say goodbye.

He stares at the messages for a while, before the  _ seen  _ text appears at the bottom. He sighs, locking his phone and stuffing it back in his pocket, knowing any response he gets will only make getting on the train that much harder. 

He doesn’t have to wait for very long before his train arrives, the few people sitting in the same area getting up and boarding. He waits until everyone around him is gone before he stands up. Anything he can to stay for even just a second longer. 

He takes his time walking up to the steps of the train, grabbing the rail and looking down at the first step. It’s only a foot away yet the second he steps down, he’s thousands of miles away. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before making his way up the three steps that would change everything forever. 

He opens his eyes once he’s standing on the train, and all of a sudden he feels like he wants to cry. Part of him wants to run down the steps while he still has the chance to get off and stay back. Part of him knows that this is the right decision he needs to make. No matter how hard it is. 

And what makes it even harder is the figure he sees approaching when he turns around to look at the last glimpse of where he called home for the last time for a while. 

“Donghyuck?” Mark asks, rubbing his eyes to make sure that he’s really standing here in front of him. “What are you doing here?” 

“What am I doing here?” He asks, panting like he had just ran here. “You think you could just leave and expect me to not find out? Did you expect me to just let you leave without seeing me first? Jeno told me what time your train was scheduled to leave.” 

“I really wanted to tell you, just so you know,” Mark tries to clarify, hoping it would somehow make all of this just a little bit better. He knows it won’t. 

“Mark you’re so stupid,” Donghyuck says from the platform. His eyes filled with tears, spilling down his cheek. Mark wants nothing more than to jump off the train and hug him one last time, but it’s too late. The second he steps off, he doesn't know if he could bring himself to get back on.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to leave?” Donghyuck asks with a broken voice, fist coming up to wipe the tears away. The second Mark had sent that text he had regretted it. He should’ve told him in person, should’ve said goodbye one last time. 

Maybe it was his own way of pretending the situation didn’t exist, telling himself everything was okay until the second he stepped on the train station platform. The reality had hit him then, that he was  _ leaving  _ and wouldn’t come back for a while. 

He wasn’t brave enough to say goodbye, and even now he can’t bring himself to say the one word. “Because I hate this part,” Mark says bitterly. “The part in the movies and stories when they leave and have to say goodbye.”

“I hate saying goodbye.” Mark reiterates, hoping in some way this could be his way of saying the word. Maybe telling Donghyuck he hates saying goodbye will say just that.

“So you thought not telling me anything about all of this was better? That you would send me a  _ text _ and leave? A  _ text?”  _ Donghyuck asks angrily, sounding so mad but the tears streaming down his face making him look so sad. 

“I couldn’t say it to your face, and after everything that happened, it was all just so fast. I couldn’t find the right time. You know I was going to tell you that night, when you,  _ you know _ ,” Mark says, the memories drawing back. Donghyuck knows what he’s referring to, as he draws in a breath, before letting it out and crying even harder. 

“I take it all back Mark,” Donghyuck says, his voice breaking. “When I broke up with you,” he shudders out like it physically pains him. “I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave, I just-” he struggles to get out. It hurts to see him like this, to know that this is all too late, that he’s on a train that’s about to leave any second. He never meant to hurt him like this, but there’s no easy way to say goodbye. 

“I just wanted a break, I didn’t want to lose you. I never thought you would… I- I just don’t want you to leave, I'm not ready for you to go,” Donghyuck says, his eyes casted down to the ground. To be honest, Mark’s not ready to leave either, it would be so easy for him to get off, for him to come back. But he’d never be ready to leave, no matter how much he needs to, it would never be easy. 

“How about this,” Mark says, causing Donghyuck to look up. 

“How about in 10 years, same time, same place, we meet up again. If we’re both in relationships then we talk about our lives and catch up. If we’re still both single, we go grab a coffee and see where things go.” Mark suggests, hoping it makes all of this feel less final. 

_ “Final call for train 97 departing at 1:30, all aboard.”  _

The announcement makes Mark look at Donghyuck one more time, who's looking at him like he could keep him here if he stares for long enough. Mark takes the final call as cue to go sit down, turning around to make his way to his seat. 

“There’s only one problem,” Donghyuck’s voice interrupts him from walking away. Mark turns around, looking for any opportunity not to leave yet. “10 years is too long.” 

“Then 7-”

“How about 5,” Donghyuck cuts him off, looking up at him with glassy eyes. 

“I’ll see you then,” Mark says, giving him one last look before finally turning around to make his way to his seat. 

  
  
  


Mark sits down, and the train starts to move. He watches out the window, as everything speeds up, and gets farther and farther away from the city he had so many memories with. All the people somewhere in the jumble of buildings who he had even more with. The person who was probably at the train station watching as the train gets smaller and smaller, who he had the most with. He feels the tears start to fall from his eyes, but he pretends that he can’t. 

So maybe he never got to hug him one last time, maybe he never got to tell him he was leaving, maybe he never actually said the one word no one wanted to hear. Perhaps it was a promise, that they didn’t need to. A promise both of them were hoping they would keep; 5 years later, the exact time, the exact place. 

Because the best way to say goodbye is to not say it at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song ‘I Don’t Want To Know’ by the breakups and that one psych scene   
> Maybe (?) a sequel of them meeting five years later if I can come up with a decent plot… 
> 
> This is really short and i’m not too sure about how well it’s written, but I love the scenes when people are at train stations, like just something about train stations idk it’s probably just me lmaoo. Anyways hope you guys enjoyed this little work that was written at like 3 am ><


End file.
